looking forward to the future...

Saturday, May 28, 2005

now..
i understand.
i understand everything le..
though i cant say who's in the right.
or who's wrong.
i just noe.
that.
liumei..
you're a very nice girl.
u've been very strong.
she's lucky to have u.
realli.
let the past past ba.
everything has went through the reset button. =)

7:59 AM
shenghui*

Thursday, May 26, 2005

sigh. i'm so filthily stressed up by the chinese Os.
i'm damn afraid.
damn afraid.
of a B.
sigh.
i've been pia-ing li jie wen da and ying yong wen like crazy.
cos i noe i'll flunk my tian xie han zi.
i need back ups.
sigh.
good thing mdm zhong's my chinese teacher.
at least i feel a lot better knowing that.
cos she's nice.
realli.
although she's a bit wierd and boring during lessons.
but u can just call her up or look for her after classes and ask her qns.
such teachers are very hard to find.

i dunno what's happening to me.
but i noe.
deep down inside my heart.
that feeling is here again.
it has died down for weeks.
i tot i've gotten over it.
but it just came back again.
but.
i have my all important O lvls
sigh.
i cant go thru all these again.
now i'm doing everything i can to suppress that feeling.
sigh.
guess life's like this.
u have to make sacrifices.
u cant have the best of everything.
no matter wat.
O lvls is more important.
hellish life.

anw.
i'm glad i'm not missing CO.
but i'm missing my juniors.
x
i wonder when i graduate..
how often will i be able to see them?
and..will i be able to recall their names?
sigh.
shi shang wu bu san zi yan xi.
>.<

I AM VERY STRESSED OF MY CHINESE Os!!!!!

7:22 AM
shenghui*

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

at last. i'm blogging.
cos.
i'm feeling real down now.
i need someone to talk to.
i need.
but.
i find it very hard to say.
=
sigh.
just chatted with my mother.
talked abt results.
then.
i told her.
if i were to choose 2 paths for my future.
i'd choose business.
or music.
for business. she didnt say anything.
but for music.
i guess. she was not in approval.
i know.
i'm not up to the standard.
she said:
-i dun have enough music sense. like my brother and sister has.-
and she had the "u serious arh" look on her face.
i was greatly disappointed.
be it whether it's true or not.
it's just a dream of mine.
a dream.
u dont have to dash it across like this, do u?
i felt so hurt.
my body began to burn.
burn.
i told her.
i wanna go learn erhu and guzheng.
she said:
-finish ur grade eight piano first-
but..
i'll be in J2 when i finish it..
then. it'll be de dreadful national service.
where will i find time?
where.
i want to learn. it's not a far-fetched dream.
y must u disapprove so strongly.
why.......
burning gets stronger.
then. we started talking abt english.
then. i started to feel nervous. utterly nervous about O lvls.
i'm afraid to fail english.
i hate miss wong to be my english teacher.
i dont wanna get a c6 for english.
i dun wanna get 50++ for english.
then. she said just read more english papers
doesnt she noe that i was an avid reader of the straits times?
what did i get in the end.
STILL 50+
now. i've practically stopped my newspaper reading.
i cant afford an hour in the toilet, just to read my papers everyday.
i cant afford..
then. i sorta quarrelled with her abt the practicality of reading papers for exams.
nervousness+burning.
i cant take it anymore.
and i just broke down.

chinese orchestra.
i'm physically and mentally tired.
i cant take another session of daily co practice anymore.
the fighting spirit isnt in me anymore.
now.
my priorities are set.
CO is not on my priority list anymore.
i want to prove.
that i can do it.
i wanna do extremely well for prelims.
i wanna studyt.
i wanna get A1 for chinese Os...
i dun wanna go UCC.
i wanna get back my results.
i want to see for myself.
my results
be it good or bad.
be it an F9 or a band one(primary school grading).
or be it an A* (primary 6 grading) or U(ungraded).
i dun care.
i wanna see.
x
co's getting in my way now.
sigh.
...
here's now certain problems in co.
i wonder if anyone realised.
there's isnt any "shh~" or any other form of that anymore from me.
i want to see how ready co is.
i'm glad to say that.
things are much better now. =)
but.. there is still a group of people.
who is destroying everything.
i dun wanna name names.
i have no comments abt that.
at least. her attendance is ok.
but her attitude is.. just.. pissing.
wat's the point of rotting ur time away?
if u think that coming to co is just to mark attendance,
then, u deserve to be out of co.
we dont need ppl like u.
the back door is always open.
leave and get permission to quit co.
having or not having u doesnt matter one bit.

matters in life.
to u
-i dun hate u for appearing in my life. i dont. i can tell u for sure, you're one of those people whom i wont forget.-
---
anw. i'm not entertaining any stupid smses from now on.
for example, if u were to send me "sian. can chat?" or anything similar.
forget it, i wont reply.
firstly, my bill has been bursting for consecutive 1 year i tink. i dun have any money to pay for the extra fees le.
secondly, i'm going to study liao. dun disturb me.

anw.
xiao bai yi hao...
thx for everything.
=)
u've been a great confidate.
^^
u just make my day better.. x)

7:35 AM
shenghui*

hui yi guo qu*

the past ]]*